The first actual meeting between myself and Monty happened in 1993, shortly before a book signing which I was due to attend in Rotherham, being held to mark the launch of my now infamous bestseller 'Starch - My Part in Its Downfall'. Making what I subsequently discovered to be an overenthusiastic request for me to sign his copy first, Monty ran me over in his Vauxhall Senator.
Whilst pinned under his car, I made a conscious decision that, although clearly not an entirely risk free option, it would be a far safer bet to have a man like Monty as a friend, rather than an enemy. I then made a conscious decision to pass out.
